You mis-spelled defact-tating. It distorts your defacts. As a matter of fact if you're cleaning your anal sphincter the best method is soap and water as mere wiping leaves a residue. A bidet does a decent job but as popular as it is in other countries, it has minimum distribution in the USA. What is needed is a combination of a normal toilet unit and the fountain in a bidet which would eliminate the necessity for two separate fixtures. A warm air blast for drying would also be useful and perhaps, entertaining.

Don't know about you guys in the States, but here in the UK we have moist toilet paper that is used after a normal dry wipe. Would this do the job?

Yes, here in the States we have wet wipes, but most people don't use them.

Moist paper is better, but nothing can equal the pleasure of that stream of water in the right place. If no bidet at home, try the manual shower head on a hose in your bath tub or shower. I like the type that pulsates. This will, of course, require disrobing before you begin.

You may want to use paper to rough out the job, and finish up with the shower head.