As I understand it, tips are the lifeblood of the waiters and waitresses in our lives, so maybe we can rethink how it all works.

We tip %15 or so off of the total bill; this seems to be rather arbitrary, as there is no guarantee that a larger bill means better service or more work from the server (consider the case of one expensive item versus many cheap items, for example).

Option 1) Time. Perhaps we can link tipping to the amount of time that we take up at their table. I'm thinking of the case where I sit down at a booth in a diner, order a cup of coffee, and sit there all night reading or writing or something. [I personally make sure to leave a ridiculously large tip, ESPECIALLY when it's busy that night, because I'm just glad to have that environment, and because I know I'm taking up space that someone else could have used.

Option 2) Number of Trips. Especially when I'm with a group of friends, and we're sending the poor person back and forth for appetizers and forks and ketchup and what have you. Obviously there are abuses on both ends (you ask for a million things at once, hoping to cut down on the number of trips; he "forgets" to bring something so he has to go back), but we can easily establish some arbitrary guidelines, which can be just as easily adjusted.

Option 3) Tip beforehand. I've tried this once or twice to pretty good effect, especially when pulling my "one cup of coffee all night" trick: As soon as you sit down, throw ten ones on the table and tell them that's their tip, and to take care of you. We do it in clubs, so why not here?

Option 3b) Diminishing tip. Every minute your cup sits empty, that's a dollar off the table. Heh, pretty mercenary, I guess. I've never used this particular method, although I've used one pretty close: in smaller diners, cafes, and restaurants, especially ones where the one server on duty sits around looking bored and sullen most of the time, I think to myself that every time I have to make that horrible slurking noise at the end of the glass of water, that's immediately a cut from the tip.

Option 4) Accumulating tip (flipside of 3b). Once again, with the coffee: Tell the server not to refill your coffee until it's empty, and that each time he does, it's a dollar. You can bet he'll be watching your cup like a hawk.

Just some ideas.

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