You could use the ringer-vibrate motor to run it.

I'd never buy this, though. It could get dirty and germ-filled.

And then again it could be shaped like a dildo.

Yes and add a lighter while your at it that would be nice.

Add a tazer feature for people who live in high crime neighborhoods. That way you could periodically taze yourself accidentally when you answer the phone. Maybe you could use this feature to alert you when you have an incoming call. . . . That would be most entertaining for the people around you.

I'm still hoping for a phone that'll work as a radar detector and a TV remote.

I do have a multi-function phone and I really like it, so I don't mean to be too sarcastic.