Cell phone samples heart rate, EKG, blood pressure, breathing rate, distance traveled, elevation, work expended etc. while worn in holster next to body. Samples are collected based on user selected criteria and baselines for individual fitness, post-therapy monitoring, or elderly care. Sample data is sent in batch or real time to be compiled with more extensive medical baseline and historic data to indicate trends. Results in tab or chart form can be accessed back on cell phone or PC to show deviation to norms or improvement patterns. Exercise programs progress can be verified. Extreme spikes generate an alert and cell phone response by care facility or EMC with prescriptive recommended actions. The device and support services are based on convergence of biophysical and location-based technology currently in the market.
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A cell phone is enough of a nuisance without embodying a catheter probe up my anus or in my mouth.
The problem is any cell phone that can do this currently would be too large to run with or exercise with. That's why they have GPS watches or Nike+iPod devices that do this. They work very well and are very practical. I suggest you checkout Garmin.